Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let us go out to the field.” And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel, and killed him. Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother’s keeper?” And the LORD said, “What have you done? Listen; your brother’s blood is crying out to me from the ground….” Genesis 4:8-10

There are rare occasions when blowing up is the right thing to do. Sometimes I’m called by God to shake people out of their traditional way of thinking or acting. I must be the one to stop the speeding train from careening over a cliff, and the only way to do so is to crash into it head-on myself. As a teacher, a parent, a friend, a leader, a citizen, a church member, I am sometimes called to stand up and turn over the tables of the moneychangers. The only good motive for ever doing so is love. I decide that the most loving thing that I can do at this moment is to destroy the comfortable godless world in which people are dwelling.

But those times are rare. Most of the time when I blow up, it’s because I’ve lost control of my own passions, and I explode like an erupted pressure cooker. Why do people explode in anger? A friend of mine who is active in Alcoholics Anonymous taught me the H.A.L.T. formula. She said, “When you’re about to blow up and do something stupid, you’ve got to H.A.L.T. and ask yourself, ‘Am I Hungry? Am I Angry? Am I Lonely? Am I Tired?’ Once you’ve determined which of these four is the problem, you can work on fixing that relatively simple need rather than losing control and behaving destructively.”

From another perspective, science tells us that every species of animal in the world generally reacts to perceived threats in one of two ways: fight or flight. When I’m courageous enough to pray about my outbursts of anger, I often discover that the motive behind the outburst was not love at all but rather some unacknowledged fear deep inside me. Often, when I explode, it’s because, far below the level of consciousness, I feel terribly threatened, and I am desperately trying to save myself.

Should this be the case, then, in my prayer, as I look back on my outburst, I must courageously allow Jesus to ask me, “What did you feel threatened by?” That’s a tough question to face. If I exploded emotionally, it’s probably because of a deep-seated pain. It will not reveal its frightened self easily. I will have to approach it gingerly, carefully, slowly. I must beg God to give me the strength and the courage to face this wound with integrity and humility. Once I’ve confronted my threatened self, I can then ask Christ to begin the slow process of healing me. On a practical level, I can seek ways to feel more secure in similar situations.

SUGGESTED SCRIPTURE PASSAGES

GENESIS 4:1-15: Cain kills Abel

PSALM 103: The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love

PSALM 131: O Lord, my soul is still

PROVERBS 14:17: A quick tempered man does foolish things

ISAIAH 2:2-5: They shall beat their swords into plowshares

MATTHEW 5:21-26: Everyone who grows angry shall be liable to judgment

MATTHEW 5:38-43: Love your enemies

MATTHEW 21:18-22: Jesus curses the fig tree

MATTHEW 26:47-56: The one who lives by the sword shall die by the sword

MARK 11:15-19: Jesus cleanses the temple

LUKE 9:51-56: Jesus chides the apostles about their revenge

JOHN 2:13-25: Jesus and the moneychangers

ACTS 15: Paul and Barnabas fight and split

ROMANS 12:17-21: “Vengeance is mine,” says the Lord

EPHESIANS 4:25-32: Do not let the sun go down on your anger

JAMES 3: No one can tame the tongue-a restless evil, full of poison

PRAYER POINTERS

As painful as it is to do so, I pray for those who hurt me and for those whom I have hurt. I ask the Lord to bless these people with his abundant love and grace.

If I have blown up recently, it would be good for me to practice stillness in my prayer. I should ask the Lord for the grace of inner peace. Praying over Psalm 131 or using a mantra such as “Still me, O Lord” might help.

Sometimes I discover in my prayer that I feel threatened by a particular person. In my journal, I write him or her a letter that I never intend to send. That way, I can be uncensored in laying down my own vulnerability and fear. The purpose of this letter is not to reconcile with the person, but rather to get in touch with my own fear. By addressing the letter to the person whom I fear, I am beginning the slow process of facing him or her. After I have written the letter, I should read it aloud to Jesus and ask him for consolation and healing. Only then can Jesus and I begin to discern how to reconcile with that person.

After praying over the question, “What am I threatened by?”, I might also explore the following questions: “Would it be appropriate for me to attempt to reconcile with those I may have hurt? If so, how? Am I ready to forgive myself for losing it? Do those I’ve hurt know that I love them? Is there an appropriate way of expressing my love at this time?”

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

-Peace Prayer of Saint Francis

Angry, Confront, Guilty, Hurt by Others, Judgmental, Marriage, Sinned

WORDS TO TAKE WITH YOU

Sure the world breeds monsters, but kindness grows just as wild.

-Mary Karr

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.

-Plato

Better to remain silent and appear stupid, than to speak and eliminate all doubt.

-Anonymous