When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit….” - John 20:19-22
Prayer can help me to get to the roots of my fear. For example, if I feel frightened by the notion of speaking out against some unjust practice at work, I’ll want to ask myself, “What am I really afraid of? Rejection by my peers? Rejection by my superiors? Am I afraid of conflict itself? Am I afraid of losing my job?”
Each day that I pray over this situation, I want to dig deeper into my fears. Each time I ask the question, “What am I really afraid of?”, I should try to discover a deeper answer. Using the example above, I may discover after a number of prayer times that I am afraid of my boss. I then want to ask myself again, “What is it about my boss that I’m really afraid of?” І may then discover that my boss reminds me of my overbearing mother who disciplined me through fear. Or, I may feel a need to impress my boss and am afraid to get on her bad side. Or, I may realize that I feel my job is constantly threatened that the boss could fire me at any moment. If losing my job is the fear, I may come back and ask the question again, “What is it I’m really afraid of?” I may discover that beneath the fear of losing my job is a terrible fear of being an inadequate father. Now we’re getting somewhere! But I haven’t arrived at this root cause of my fear until after I have spent a great deal of time in prayer, asking myself again and again, “What am I really afraid of?”
The next step, of course, would be to allow Jesus to enter that scary place with me. My friend Paul once told me of a prayer experience whereby he and Jesus were walking through the many rooms of his house-a metaphor for his very self. After a while they came to a locked door that represented Paul’s most frightening parts of himself, and he said to Jesus, “Sorry, Lord, I can’t let you in that door.” For several prayer times more, Paul reflected on how much of his emotional and spiritual life is spent guarding that door -keeping everyone, including Jesus and even himself, from entering it. You can imagine the liberation Paul finally experienced when he gathered up the courage to walk into that room with Jesus.
I must do the same. I must take Jesus’ hand and walk into my own dark, cobwebbed room. I sit on the floor awhile with him and get a feel for this place I’ve run from for so long. I let Jesus light a candle, so that we can see it clearly and describe it to one another. Now that the light is on, is this place so scary after all?
SUGGESTED SCRIPTURE PASSAGES
1 SAMUEL 17:32-51: David and Goliath
PSALM 23: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
PSALM 27: The Lord is my light and my salvation
PSALM 56: When I’m afraid, I put my trust in you
PSALM 62: My soul rests in God alone
PSALM 69: Save me, O God
PSALM 91: He will rescue you from the snare of the fowler
PSALM 118: The Lord is with me; I fear not
ISAIAH 25:4-26:4: The Lord is an eternal rock
ISAIAH 41:1-10: Fear not, for I am with you
ISAIAH 43:1-8: You will walk through fire, and not be burned
MATTHEW 10:16-20: Don’t worry about what to say
MATTHEW 14:22-33: Jesus rescues the apostles from the stormy sea
MARK 5:21-43: Fear is useless-what is needed is faith
MARK 10:27: All things are possible with God
MARK 16:1-8: The women fled from the tomb
LUKE 10:38-42: Martha, you are anxious about many things
LUKE 22:40-46: Jesus sweats blood in the garden of Gethsemane
JOHN 20:19-23: The resurrected Christ says, “Peace be with you”
ACTS 4:1-31: The Holy Spirit comes to help Peter
ROMANS 8:28-39: All things work together for the good
2 CORINTHIANS 12:7-10: My grace is sufficient for you
1 PETER 5:6-11: Cast all your cares on him, for he cares for you
1 JOHN 4:18: Cast out all fear
PRAYER POINTERS
I allow Jesus and me to explore ever deeper levels of the roots of my fear. With each new level of response to Jesus’ question, “What are you really afraid of?” I write a detailed description of my fears.
Using my friend Paul’s metaphor, I imagine each of the levels of response as rooms within rooms. At each new room I draw a detailed picture of Jesus and me inside the room. I speak with Jesus about the images that are being conjured up in my mind.
RELATED ENTRIES
Confront, Nighttime, Worried
WORDS TO TAKE WITH YOU
I know that God will not give me anything that I can’t handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.
-Mother Teresa of Calcutta