O, that you would tear open the heavens and come down, so that the mountains would quake at your presence- When you did awesome deeds that we did not expect, you came down, the mountains quaked at your presence. From ages past no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who works for those who wait for him. We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy cloth. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. -Isaiah 64:1, 3-4, 6-7

Many people have the mistaken notion that those who have a strong prayer life never have problems experiencing God’s presence in prayer. But any long-term pray-er will tell you that it is not unusual to go through long periods without feeling anything at all in one’s prayer. Thérèse of Lisieux, John of the Cross, Ignatius Loyola, Teresa of Avila all of the great mystics of the church have spoken of the common experience of dryness in one’s spiritual life. Mystics of our day have said the same. Henri Nouwen, one of the most important spiritual writers of our time, once said, “[My prayer time is not a time]…of deep prayer, nor a time in which I experience a special closeness to God; it is not a period of serious attentiveness to the divine mysteries. I wish it were! On the contrary, it is full of distractions, inner restlessness, sleepiness, confusion, and boredom. It seldom, if ever, pleases my senses.” And Mother Teresa of Calcutta, not long before her death, was asked, “How does it feel to be so close to God?” She answered, “It’s been so long since I’ve felt close to God that I don’t remember what it feels like.” One who is spiritually dry should take comfort from such auspicious company. While our faith tells us that God is always present, the experience of the church tells us that, for whatever reason, God sometimes allows us to go through periods in which we do not feel his presence.

Sometimes it’s even worse than that: sometimes we don’t even feel the desire to feel God’s presence. This experience can embarrass us, and we often deny it. I remember once going through such a period in my spiritual life. My spiritual director sensed it and asked, “Mark, do you desire to be closer to God right now?” I nervously said, “Well, of course I do!” and chattered away about some pious notion that was unrelated to the topic. The director let me talk a moment and then asked again, “Mark, do you desire to be closer to God?” Again I deflected the question. But the third time she asked, my shoulders slumped and I fell back into the chair, defeated. Staring up at the ceiling, I confessed, “No. Right now, I don’t even want to be with God.” She smiled and said, “Now we’re getting somewhere!” We spent the rest of the conversation talking about what to do with this mood. She reminded me of Saint Ignatius’s advice, that when I don’t feel God’s presence, I need to pray at least for the desire of God’s presence. With great compassion, Ignatius advised further that if I can’t even do that, then perhaps I could pray for the desire for the desire. Now that’s a prayer I can always handle.

SUGGESTED SCRIPTURE PASSAGES

JUDITH 8:25-27: Not for vengeance did the Lord test them

JOB 6-7: Job is angry with God

PSALM 22: My God, why have you forsaken me?

PSALM 63:1-9: All through the night I will meditate on you

PSALM 77: Will God spurn us forever, and never again be favorable?

PSALM 102: I am withered, dried up like the grass

PSALM 143:6-7: My soul thirsts for you

ISAIAH 43:14-21: See, I am doing something new

ISAIAH 63:15-19: Look down from heaven, O Lord

ISAIAH 64: O, that you would tear open the heavens and come down!

MATTHEW 7:7-11: Seek and you shall find

MARK 4:35-41: Jesus sleeping in the boat

MARK 15:33-34: My God, why have you forsaken me?

LUKE 11:5-13: If one keeps knocking, the master arises

JAMES 5:7-11: Wait for Christ’s coming

PRAYER POINTERS

While waiting for my prayer life to pick up, I can always go back to easier forms of prayer that do not require me to focus as well. I can pray the rosary, the Liturgy of the Hours or I can use some ready-made prayer book that has worked for me in the past.

I prayerfully evaluate the logistics of my prayer times. Do I pray at a bad time of day? Do I use the best prayer posture (that is, a position that is relaxed and yet keeps me awake)? Am I giving myself enough time to pray? Have I done what I could to rid myself of distractions? Do I seek the advice of a spiritual director or mentor?

I prayerfully ask myself if there is some unacknowledged problem between God and me. Am I angry with God about something? Do I have a fear that I have not yet faced?

I prayerfully return to a time when prayer was going well. What was I praying about then? What Bible passage was I using? What prayer approach? I return to whatever it was that worked back then.

I look back through the past day and ask myself: where was God present to me? Who wore God’s face today? I prayerfully return to that moment of my day and praise God for it. I consider how I might respond to such love.

As always, it is important that I tell God what I desire. If I desire to feel his presence, I must prayerfully beg God to give me such an experience. If I don’t even have that desire, then I should pray for that desire to come to me.

I slowly read Mark 4:35-41. In my imagination I notice that, though the boat ride is rough because of the ensuing storm, Jesus is so tired that he just can’t keep his eyes open anymore. So I go over to him and say, “It’s OK, Lord. I will sit by your side as you sleep.” I make that statement my mantra, repeating it over and over again. I try to imagine myself sitting by the side of Jesus as he sleeps. Though my spiritual storm grows more furious, I am not concerned. Instead, I look with love on my friend and Lord, keeping still so as not to wake him.

At the end of my prayer time, I tell God how I’m feeling about our relationship at this time. I let him know if I feel frustrated, angry, confused and so on. As best I can, I close with a prayer of surrender, something like this: “God, I don’t understand why you’re allowing me to feel distant from you right now, but I trust that you will always do what is best for me. So I place my prayer life in your hands, and I accept whatever it is you wish to do with it. If you call me into the desert, I willingly accept your call. Give me the strength to follow through.”

Angry at You, Doubts, Lonely, Lost, Quiet

WORDS TO TAKE WITH YOU

Only those who walk in the dark see the stars.

-Anonymous

That which you are seeking is causing you to seek. -Buddha

Jesus will return when we want Him enough.

-Teilhard de Chardin, S.J.

Jesus says, “You would not search for me if I had not already found you.”

-Anonymous

“Does the Keeper ever speak to you, Uss-Uss?”

“In the thrumming of the roots of trees under the earth, she speaks to me,” said Uss-Uss.

“What does she say?”

“Unfortunately, I don’t speak the language of trees,” said Uss-Uss.

“I haven’t the faintest idea.”

-Orson Scott Card