Someone from the crowd answered him, “Teacher, I brought you my son; he has a spirit that makes him unable to speak; and whenever it seizes him, it dashes him down; and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid; and I asked your disciples to cast it out, but they could not do so….It has often cast him into the fire and into the water, to destroy him; but if you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us.” Jesus said to him, “If you are able! All things can be done for the one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out, “I believe; help my unbelief!” -Mark 9:17-18, 22-24

An atheist was walking along a cliff one day when he suddenly slipped and fell. Halfway down, he was able to grab a weak little branch. Hanging there and knowing that the branch wouldn’t hold him forever, the guy looked up into the sky and yelled, “OK, if there’s anybody up there, save me now, and I’ll believe in you.” With great tenderness God spoke to the man, “My son, I will save you. Let go of the branch.” The man thought about it a minute, looked down into the deep ravine and then back up into the heavens and yelled, “Is there anybody else up there?”

When I was a kid, my teenaged brother, Greg, would sometimes interrupt my all-important TV watching with “Come on. I need you to help me start the truck.” I begrudgingly went outside and found my place in the lineup between other brothers and/or neighbors at the back of Greg’s 1969 Ford pickup. The bunch of us would push it as fast as possible down our quiet little street while Greg kept turning the ignition and pumping the gas. Eventually, the little truck would remember how to do this on its own, and off he went.

This little trick of getting a running start has proven useful in other areas of life. If I lose my train of thought while giving a speech, I can often just keep talking a minute or two and my brain will “kick in” again. If I get stuck during my writing, I just keep going, writing gibberish if I have to. Eventually, my fingers will find the right keys again. I have a feeling this little trick works for big stuff, too. I’ll bet married people use this trick to get through the rough spots. They just keep going in the direction they’re supposed to go until it feels right and natural again.

Saint Ignatius Loyola advises that if I’m having problems believing or if I know in my head the right thing to do but my heart is resisting, then I should act as if I do believe, as if my heart were fully amenable until I do, in fact, believe again with my whole heart and soul. Oftentimes, when my faith wavers, I take great consolation in this advice. First, it reminds me that doubting is a common phenomenon and not necessarily a sin. Second, it tells me what I should do while waiting for my feeble faith to return. I act as if. I go through the motions, not as a hypocrite but as one who has allowed his will to push him through when his heart is acting fickle. This is why the church values ritual so much. It allows my body and my voice to move me through the barren deserts of my spiritual life. Eventually, my heart and soul will kick in again. I just have to be patient. And from pushing my brother’s truck, I’ve learned also that I might need to grab some friends and family to help push me down the road a bit until I can do it on my own again.

SUGGESTED SCRIPTURE PASSAGES

GENESIS 18:1-15: Sarah laughs, doubting God’s promise

MATTHEW 17:14-21: If you had the faith of a mustard seed

MARK 5:21-42: Jesus heals a woman and raises a dead girl

MARK 9:14-29: I do believe; help my unbelief

JOHN 20:19-29: Doubting Thomas

1 CORINTHIANS 1:18-25: Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom

1 CORINTHIANS 2:6-16: Eyes have not seen; ears have not heard

HEBREWS 11:1-3: Faith is the assurance of things hoped for

JAMES 1:2-7: The testing of your faith produces endurance

PRAYER POINTERS

In most cases doubting is not a sin, since it usually wells up without my choosing it. When I have doubts it is important to face them honestly rather than pretend they don’t exist. Most importantly, I need to bring those doubts to God. I need to tell God that my faith in him is not so strong. Since Saint Ignatius insists that we always tell God what we need, I must tell God that I need to feel his presence or witness his action in the world in a more concrete way. If I need to, I’ll even shake my fist at him as Job, Jonah and many others did. I may chide him for abandoning me as Jesus did. I know in my head, of course, that God never abandons me, but in my heart I’m feeling this way and I must let God know that.

When my soul is faltering, I allow my body and my will to do the heavy lifting. I turn to more ritualistic prayers. I tell God that my body will have to pray for me (through kneeling and standing at Mass, for example) while my heart and soul are wavering.

In prayer I come up with a few people to whom I can go with this problem. I need loved ones to carry me through this time. In Mark 5:25-34 the hemorrhaging woman was healed merely through touching the tassel of Jesus. Spiritual writer Ronald Rolheiser says that when my faith is weak, the faith of loved ones can be that tassel of Christ, touching and healing me vicariously.

Despair, Dry, Lost, Marriage

WORDS TO TAKE WITH YOU

Human beings cannot receive answers to questions they have never asked.

-Paul Tillich

There’s a good bit of agnostic in all of us. None of us knows much-only enough to trust to reach out a hand into the dark.

-Margaret Craven, I Heard the Owl Call My Name