Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. -Matthew 10:34-36

As a Christian, I am called to win over hearts and minds to Christ. But I am more often called to do so with gentle cajoling than with angry confrontation. There are two major problems with confrontation. First, if I am honest with myself, I will see that my confrontation is often rooted in my own anger rather than in Christian love. Second, in the promotion of Christian values and ideals, confrontation is often an ineffective tool. It causes the person being confronted to be defensive of the status quo rather than open to new ideas or new ways of life. If, however, I couch my words in unconditional love and acceptance, then that person will feel less threatened by the challenge to change. The old adage is true: I can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

There are times, however, when the most loving thing to do is to openly confront someone. If I feel inclined to do so, then I must spend a lot of time in prayer, discerning whether this is truly God’s will. I must thoroughly explore my motives and my plan of action. I must also spiritually prepare myself for rejection and perhaps even hatred. Archbishop Oscar Romero, because he opposed the massacres conducted by the El Salvadoran military, knew that it was only a matter of time before he would be assassinated. Jesus had a strong sense of what was ahead for him as he prayed in the garden of Gethsemane about his inevitable crucifixion. Luke tells us, “In his anguish he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down on the ground.” In my personal experience, however (and it seems to be so in the experience of Jesus and of Romero as well), I have discovered that a certain peace can be drawn from the knowledge that I am doing my best, and that since this is the Lord’s work, I can trust that the Lord will take good care of me. J. Lubbock has a very simple statement about this: “When we have done our best, we should await the result in peace.” I can’t say how many times I have drawn strength from this little maxim. During the times when I feel called by God to do something unpleasant, this statement becomes a sort of mantra for me. I whisper it to my anxious heart over and over again not only in my prayer times but throughout the difficult days. I often find that the peace I draw from that mantra is contagious-that it spreads to all of the others involved. Even those on the receiving end of the confrontation or bad news seem to be affected by my demeanor of quiet serenity. Through that peace, I have found that I am better able to convey my sincere love for that person, which hopefully is the root of my unpleasant words and actions.

SUGGESTED SCRIPTURE PASSAGES

EXODUS 3:4-14: God calls Moses to confront Pharaoh

2 SAMUEL 12:1-13: Nathan confronts David

PSALM 27: Though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident

JEREMIAH 1:15-19: Jeremiah sent to confront the nations

JEREMIAH 20:7-18: I could not keep quiet

MATTHEW 7:1-5: Don’t judge others

MATTHEW 18:15-20: If someone has a problem

MATTHEW 23:1-39: Jesus versus the Pharisees

MARK 8:31-33: Jesus to Peter: “Get away from me, Satan”

LUKE 2:22-35: A sword will pierce your soul

LUKE 9:44-62: The Son of Man will be betrayed

LUKE 12:1-12: When they bring you before the authorities

LUKE 12:49-59: I have not come to bring peace, but division!

LUKE 21:12-19: Dark days are coming

LUKE 22:31-34: I have prayed for you, Peter

ROMANS 8:26-39: What can separate us from the love of Christ?

GALATIANS 2:11-14: Paul publicly confronts Peter

GALATIANS 6:1-10: If someone is in sin, gently set him right

1 PETER 3:8-17: Be prepared to give an account for the hope that is in you

PRAYER POINTERS

I use Lubbock’s quote as my mantra in prayer. I pray for trust in the Lord’s protection.

I pray with Jesus at the garden of Gethsemane. In my imagination, I clutch tightly Jesus’ hands as we both pray about the upcoming difficulties.

I thank Jesus for going through this experience first. I thank him for being present to me through it all.

Knowing full well the price I may have to pay, I thank God for allowing me to take up my own cross and to play a role in God’s plan of salvation.

I reflect on similar troubled days in my past. I notice that when I was not at peace, when I was consumed with worry and fear, the fear and worry were far worse than anything that actually occurred. In other words, the negative consequences that actually came were not nearly so bad as the nightmarish things I had envisioned. So now, as I face more storms ahead, I draw strength from knowing that the Lord has counted every hair on my head and will not allow these circumstances to destroy me.

I reflect on the gifts that the Lord is giving me throughout these troubled days. I reflect on how the Lord might use these difficult times to teach me, to mature me, to strengthen me, to transform me, to humble me and so on.

I reflect on the fact that only God lasts forever; everything else is temporary. I use the old saying, “This, too, shall pass,” as my mantra in my prayer and throughout the day.

Afraid, Angry, Blew Up, Change, Family, Judgmental, Procrastinator

WORDS TO TAKE WITH YOU

When we have done our best, we should await the result in peace.

-J. Lubbock

Do nothing without deliberation, but when you have acted, do not regret it.

-Sirach 32:19

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

-Anonymous

A position that has no martyrs in any sense of the word is probably not important or not true.

-Sandra Schneiders